Harry Potter and the Power of Emotion

When Harry awoke the following morning, he didn’t want to face all the questioning looks in the Great Hall so he ate his breakfast in the Hospital Wing. He figured he could face his classmates in small doses during each class rather than all at once at breakfast. Looking around at the sterile walls and crisp linens, Harry realized he’d actually spent a significant amount of his time at Hogwarts right here in this room! He remembered a time back on Privet Drive when he was about five or six. He’d been really sick and Aunt Petunia had been forced to take him to the doctor. He’d had pneumonia and spent several nights in hospital where the nurses had fussed and fawned over him. He’d never had so much attention lavished on him in his life. It was one of Harry’s best childhood memories and each time he’d got sick after that he’d always hoped he’d have to go to the hospital. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had been furious, but still it was worth it. Thinking back on it now, Harry knew those nurses must have felt sorry for him, a little kid alone in hospital. The Dursleys hadn’t returned until it was time to pick him up. He didn’t know that then though and enjoyed the company. Harry was so lost in the past that before he had finished his breakfast, Ron and Hermione entered the Hospital Wing. Ron handed him his timetable, "Could be worse," he sighed, "we’ve all got Double Charms first thing."

Harry nodded looking over his timetable. He was taking Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and Potions. These were all the classes he needed for his Auror training. He had also signed up for Care of Magical Creatures but Dumbledore had pulled him out of that one. They were going to use that time slot for his extra Defense lessons. Of course this didn’t escape Hermione’s notice. "Harry, what happened to your fifth class? I thought you were taking Hagrid’s class?"

Harry kept his eyes on his timetable so he didn’t have to look at her when he lied, "Dumbledore wants to give me extra Occlumency lessons so I had to drop a class." Either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives…

"So your evenings will be all free then?" Ron asked, "Excellent for when we begin Quidditch practice!"

"Er…No. I still have to do some evenings, not every other night anymore though."

"He’s really worried about what happened to you last night at the feast, isn’t he? Did you see something Harry?" Hermione queried. But he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…

"Yeah. Azkaban has been cleared and the Dementors joined him. He was deliriously happy. Dumbledore thinks he got so caught up in it he forgot to block me."

Both of his friends caught his downcast expression and the weariness in his voice. Wanting to start classes on a good note, Ron tried to change the subject, "So what’s this I hear about you dating my little sister?"

Harry choked and sprayed the remains of the Pumpkin Juice he was drinking everywhere, "What?!"

Even Hermione was grinning, "That’s the rumor all over the school. Apparently Cho Chang is the one spreading it. We saw Dean Thomas giving Ginny a hard time about it at breakfast."

At Harry’s horrified expression, Ron was quick to clarify, "Don’t worry about Ginny, she can handle herself. She put him right in his place. She didn’t deny it though."

Harry groaned, "I ran into Cho on the train and I didn’t really want to talk with her. She assumed and I left without correcting her. I didn’t pay it much attention, I certainly didn’t think she’d announce it to anyone!"

Hermione was shaking her head, "No, you never did catch on to what Cho is all about. Don’t worry about it Harry. Ginny’s not upset and sooner or later they’ll realize your just friends and there will be some new couple who’s the hot topic." Hermione wasn’t sure Harry wanted to be just friends with Ginny, so she thought she’d gauge his reaction. He didn’t give her much of one, although it was obvious that the idea everyone was talking about it him again worried him greatly.

"Come on mate, we have to get to class. No sense starting off the first day with detentions," Ron said.

They made their way to the classroom, Harry kept his eyes down and didn’t meet anyone’s gaze in the hallway. He could sense the looks and pointing from the other students and sighed wearily. Couldn’t there ever be a year when this didn’t happen? Virtually all the students in his own house had witnessed one of his attacks at some point, whether in class or in the dormitory. For the others, however, last night’s display in the Great Hall was their first view of what had been printed about Harry in the Daily Prophet. He imagined that some of them were back to thinking he was mentally unstable. Ron and Hermione walked on either side of him, flanking him and trying nonchalantly to shield him. He was grateful to them for their efforts.

NEWT classes were smaller and more intensive than the classes from previous years. They would always be partnered up with at least one other House. For Charms, it was Ravenclaw. Harry noticed Padma Patil sitting with her sister Parvati and Lavender Brown. Harry always wondered why the Patil sisters were in different houses, especially being twins. Sitting in class watching them for just a few moments answered that question for him. While Parvati laughed, flirted and chatted nonstop waiting for class to begin, her sister studiously prepared her notes and studied her outline for class. Harry glanced over at Hermione. While Hermione too had her notes ready and her books open, she was arguing animatedly with Ron at the same time. Harry turned as Neville came in and sat beside him.

"Hi Harry, how are you feeling?"

"I’m okay, how’s it going Neville?"

"All right. Gran sent me an owl this morning with the book for this class. Must have forgot it." Neville smiled sheepishly.

"What did your Gran say when she met Luna," Ron asked, and Harry could tell he’d been dying to ask this question since he’d seen Neville and Luna together on the train the day before. He noticed Hermione shot Ron a glare but Ron was oblivious to it.

Neville grinned widely, "You know, it was the funniest thing. Gran made polite conversation, her usual thing, asking all kinds of questions. Luna answered very politely. But you know Luna, her answers can be…unique. My Gran absolutely didn’t know what to make of her! I’ve never seen anyone stump her the way Luna did! I’d ask her out a hundred times more just to relive that scene!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione all laughed appropriately at this statement. The idea of a conversation between Neville’s prim and proper grandmother and Loony Luna Lovegood was rather entertaining.

They had their first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson after lunch. This class was to be just Gryffindor since the entire house had signed up for the course. They were all members of the D.A. and wanted to continue to prepare for the upcoming war. Harry, Ron and Hermione got there early, eager to judge the new DADA teacher for themselves. The classroom was nearly half full already however, clearly the others had the same idea in mind. Professor Trent was sitting at her desk and smiling pleasantly as the students entered the room.

"Hello and welcome to your 6th year Defense Against the Dark Arts course. My name is Diana Trent, I’m a former auror and once a student here at Hogwarts myself. I understand there is a rumor that this position is cursed and that none of the more recent applicants have lasted more than a year. I plan on breaking that trend," she smiled warmly as she said this, "I’m going to start with the roll until I’m able to put some faces with the names. Lavender Brown?"

"Here Professor," Lavender raised her hand.

Professor Trent continued with the roll and stopped briefly when she got to Harry’s name. Her eyes did the familiar upward glance to his scar, than she looked at him with a faraway dreamy expression before moving on.

"Now, I’ve reviewed some of the notes from last year and I must say, I’m not impressed with the level of instruction. However, I understand you are all members of a Defense group who did extremely well on your O.W.L.s, I’m very impressed and I hope to see that level of work continue. We’ll be starting off with shield charms this week. Learning to put up a shield can be critical and lifesaving, but it also can severely drain your magical resources, so we’re going to work on it. Yes, Hermione?"

Harry looked over to see Hermione with her hand raised, "Professor, I’ve heard you’ve spent the past several years in the United States. Were you teaching there?" Ever practical, Hermione wanted to know all there was about this new professor before letting her guard down. Constant vigilance, thought Harry.

"No. This is my first teaching position. I continued my work as an Auror while over there, but I missed home. When I heard about his return, and the upcoming war, I decided it was time to return."

"How long have you been away?"

A far away, pained expression covered her features for a moment before she covered, "I had a life altering experience 15 years ago that resulted in the loss of several friends and I decided I needed a change of scenery. The U.S. was wonderfully freeing, but I was always a bit homesick."

Harry froze at her words, Dumbledore said Moony knew her, but nothing about his parents? Was that who she was talking about? Both Ron and Hermione glanced uneasily at Harry, noting his rigid posture, they too caught the meaning in her words.

She didn’t say anymore, however, and class continued while they practiced their shield charms. When the bell rang, Ron and Hermione were out the door when Professor Trent asked Harry to wait. He sent them on their way and turned towards the woman.

"Harry, I’m sorry to stare. It’s just…It’s like looking into the past. The resemblance to your father is uncanny."

"So I’ve been told," Harry replied.

"I knew your parents well, they were good people and I was very fond of them."

Harry bristled and continued to back towards the door. He suddenly didn’t want to talk to her about this at all. Visions of his father’s actions in Snape’s pensieve swam in his head and Harry felt very insecure about knowing nothing in regards to his parents. This stranger knew them, he didn’t, and he never had. Suddenly, Harry felt an unbearable sense of loss that he couldn’t explain. His face must have given something away because suddenly Professor Trent seemed very concerned, "Harry—" she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but Harry flinched and pulled away, "I need to go," he said and nearly sprinted from the classroom.

There was still over an hour until dinner so Harry joined Ron, Hermione and Ginny in the Common Room. "What did she want?" asked Ron.

"Nothing."

They could all see the set of his jaw and shoulders, knowing he wasn’t ready to talk. "I think she’ll be good," Hermione said, "She’s forthright and upfront and her shield instruction was quite good."

"We’ll see," grumbled Ron.

"You didn’t like her?"

"She was okay, not a great track record there though, is there?"

"You can’t hold the mistakes the past teachers against her!"

"We’ll see."

"Honestly Ron! Is it just the fact she’s a woman or did she do something to earn your mistrust?"

"Just being a woman would do it!"

Even Harry knew Ron had just gone too far. Seeing the rise in both Hermione and Ginny’s eyebrows, Harry knew Ron was about to get reamed. Ron knew it too and he had paled considerably.

"She knew my parents," Harry blurted, trying to save Ron but also anxious to get this off his chest. It was the first thing to come to his mind, and it worked. Ron shot him a grateful nod.

"She did?" Hermione looked at him, momentarily distracted from her ire towards Ron, "Was that who she was talking about losing 15 years ago?"

"Dunno. We never got that far."

"What did she say?"

"Just that she knew them. I sort of left after that."

"Did she say something to upset you Harry?" Ginny asked perceptively.

Harry was quiet for a minute, not sure how much he now wanted to share. "It’s strange," he said quietly, "I have no way of knowing if her perceptions of them are true… It’s an odd sort of feeling."

"I think you should talk to Moony about her. Didn’t you say Dumbledore told you he knew her?"

"Yeah, I think I will." He could see the sympathy in all their eyes, but oddly, it didn’t bother him. He knew they were concerned out of friendship and he found that actually, it was a good feeling to know they were there for him when he needed them.

The next morning started out with Double Potions first thing and despite being pleased he’d gotten into the class, Harry was dreading it. He got an O on his Practical Exam, but an E on the written yet still made the class. Harry suspected either McGonagall or Dumbledore had something to do with it, and Harry was sure that wouldn’t go over well with Snape. Snape hadn’t returned to Grimmauld Place after the argument the first night Harry was there; and Harry suspected Dumbledore had some things to say to him over Harry’s lack of preparation for Occlumency. Dumbldore never gave any hints, however, so Harry was unsure what had come of it. He’d gotten to take the Dreamless Sleep Potion the night before, he was glad he was facing Snape on a full night’s sleep. He and Hermione were the only two Gryffindors taking Advanced Potions. Ron was in Divination during this class time.

When he and Hermione arrived in the dungeon, they found three Ravenclaws, Hannah Abbott alone from Hufflepuff and the rest of the class was made up of Slytherins. Harry hadn’t seen Snape since their fiery encounter at Grimmauld Place and he was anxious about their reunion. Snape whirled into the classroom, his black cape flowing behind him as he made his way towards the front of the room and turned on them with a sneer.

"Welcome to Advanced Potions. You’ll find I expect a level of excellence that most of you should be able to master judging from your O.W.L. scores. Most of you," he repeated looking down at Harry. "Today we will begin mixing a batch of Veritaserum. It’s a complicated mixture that should take several classes to complete. The order is very important, including the setting time between each ingredient. Be sure you haven’t left until you reach a portion of the brew that requires setting for at least 24 hours. For tonight’s homework I want an essay on why Veritaserum is not used in trials. The assignment is on the board. Begin."

With that, he sat down at his desk and didn’t look up again. Harry breathed a sigh of relief that Snape caught, "When the potions are completed, we’ll test them. I’m sure there are some of you keeping some secrets here." Harry looked Snape straight in the eye without flinching. "Just let it go," Hermione whispered, "Don’t let him goad you."

"He’s not," Harry replied, "He’s already been in my head, what else does he think there is to know?" Time passed agonizingly slow, but Harry was glad he had Hermione to work with and was determined not to mess up. He’d show Snape he could do this and did deserve his spot in this class. When the bell finally rang, they headed up to the Great hall to meet Ron and Ginny for lunch.

"How’s Divination?" Harry asked with a grin as Ron threw himself next to him.

"That old bat! She’s mental. I’d say she misses you mate, couldn’t decide on which of us she’d predict death for and ended up saying the whole class had a bad aura!"

Harry laughed, "Can’t say as I miss that one. Homework was never too bad though. If all else fails, you can always make it up!"

"Don’t I know it," Ron grinned.

"I just came from Muggle Studies," Ginny said, "I don’t get this electricity stuff at all! It seems so much more complicated than candles! I can’t believe the amount of homework I’ve got already. It’s only the second day!"

"OWL year is brutal Gin, remember how bad we had it last year? Barely ever saw the sun!"

"As I remember you kept putting off doing your homework so you got swamped at the end," Hermione said waspishly.

"And I never left detention," added Harry, rubbing the scar on his hand, the words I will not tell lies were still plainly visible.

"You really should have told someone about that," Ginny said pointing to his hand. Then, turning on Ron and Hermione, "And you two as Prefects should have made sure he did! She was abusive!"

"Yeah, well, Harry was pretty abusive last year too!" Ron exclaimed.

Harry laughed outright, "Ron’s right, I would have strung them up alive. I wasn’t always thinking clearly last year. I’m sorry about that. I should have never taken everything out on you."

"It’s all—" Hermione started before Ron broke in, "Of course you should have, that’s what families do! Fred and George always take it out on me when they have bad days, unless Percy’s around."

Harry smile lit his eyes from within like they hadn’t seen in a long time, "Thanks Ron."

"When have you ever demanded an apology from us Harry?" Ron continued and Harry knew what he was referring to, "We’ve all had our disagreements. It’s over and I certainly don’t need an apology from you!"

Harry was truly touched by Ron’s show of loyalty. Both boys reached out awkwardly as if to give each other a hug, but stopped before they made contact and each pulled their hands back to run them through their own hair. Ginny rolled her eyes but Hermione’s were sparkling as she huffed tearfully, "Boys!" She reached out and grabbed both their heads in a fierce hug. Ron and Harry shared a grin over her head.

"What do you have next?" Hermione asked all three, not looking at anyone in particular.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts for me," said Ginny.

"Care of Magical Creatures," said Ron simultaneously.

"I’m off to Arithmancy, what about you Harry?"

"I’ve got a lesson with Dumbledore," Harry answered quietly. He was really meeting with either Moony or Tonks to begin learning to apparate, but he wasn’t sure which one. He hated having to lie to his friends and found he couldn’t look them in the face while doing it, particularly after the fond exchange they had just shared. As the other three headed off and promised to meet back in the Common Room, Harry pulled the Marauder’s Map out of his backpack. Near the entrance to Dumbledore’s office he saw a dot marking Remus Lupin standing with one called Diana Trent. So they did know each other! Harry was excited to see Moony and he had some questions about the new DADA teacher he wanted to ask. When he arrived at the stone gargoyle, however, he was alone.

"Sugar Quill," he gave the password and headed up the moving staircase. Moony was inside waiting for him.

"Harry! It’s good to see you. How are classes treating you?"

"So far so good. Made it through my first Potions class without blowing anything up. Had DADA yesterday and met our new teacher."

"Yes, I just saw her. She said she thinks she upset you yesterday?"

"Did she know my parents?"

Moony seemed surprised at Harry’s forthright question, "Very well actually. She was a year behind us and I dated her briefly. She and your mother were friendly. She and Sirius were not."

"She didn’t like Sirius?" Harry found it was still difficult to say his name, but he was getting better at it.

"Welllll, you see Harry, Sirius had a bit of a reputation with the ladies. He kind of liked that reputation too. After they found out about it, girls didn’t."

Harry nodded, Sirius was a player, that fit. He smiled fondly wishing Sirius were here now to give him some advice, "Did my father have a reputation too?"

"James? Egad no! Your father only had eyes for your mother. Always."

"And what about my mother?"

Remus hesitated a moment before answering, "She was involved with one other boy briefly, but by 7th year she and your father were an item."

Harry was quiet for a while, wanting to ask yet afraid to at the same time. There was so much about his parents he didn’t know, but the little bit he’d learned last year hurt, and he thought that maybe it was better not to know. The curiosity was digging at him and Moony’s silence seemed to spur him forward, "Did my parents really love each other?"

Moony laughed out loud, it seemed like such a silly question. Anyone who knew James and Lily could see the adoration shared between the two, it was a thing Lupin sometimes found himself jealous of. The idea anyone would question their love was ludicrous and he was about to give Harry a hard time until he saw the desperate vulnerability behind the young man’s eyes. This was really bothering Harry and it pierced Lupin’s heart that he truly didn’t know. "Harry, does this have anything to do with what you saw in Snape’s pensieve last spring?"

Harry blinked his eyes furiously and nodded.

"That was one brief moment in time, not the whole of who your parents were. You can’t judge your parents on that one afternoon. Harry, if I was to borrow Dumbledore’s pensieve and put some of my own memories of your parents in there, would you want to see them? Again, they will be biased towards my experience, but still, I think I knew them better."

Harry nodded eagerly, he’d love to see more memories of his parents, see some kind of evidence that they did care for each other and that his father didn’t stay the bully he’d been at 15.

"Okay, I’ll talk to him about it. But for now, we’ve got to get moving on your lesson. We’re just going to work on the theory today, when we’re ready for some experiments, we’ll head down to the Room of Requirement. You can’t apparate in or out of Hogwarts, but that room can be set up so you can move about within it. When we’re ready for more long distance travel, we’ll have to go into Hogsmeade. That’s not for a few more weeks."

"So that’s why Fred and George can apparate within Grimmauld Place but not into it?"

"They figured that one out, did they? Figures," Remus said with obvious amusement.

Harry was nervous about splinching himself, but eager to get started too, "Let’s give it a go!" The time passed amazingly quickly and Harry was shocked when Moony announced he had to be going. "Your friends will be looking for you and I need to get out of the castle before the dinner rush. Have a nice weekend Harry and I’ll see you next week."

The weekend was quiet, although Harry had a significant amount of homework, it was manageable and not as overwhelming as the previous year. Ginny was snowed under and he barely saw or spoke to her at all. He received an owl from Fred and George on Saturday asking if they could borrow the Marauders Map. They were trying to put together a similar kind of project and wanted to know if they could look it over. Harry hated to part with it, but knew the twins could be trusted. They were the ones who gave it to him, after all, so he sent if off with Hedwig.

Harry and Ron were both anxious for Quidditch to resume but Professor McGonagall had yet to announce when the tryouts could begin. On Sunday news came of yet another attack on Diagon Ally. Although Gringotts was well protected, several other establishments were burned and some aurors lost their lives. Nothing in Knockturn Ally was touched. The attack was just outside the Ministry and it appeared Voldemort was flaunting how close he could get. Harry glanced at the staff table; it was starkly empty this morning. Professor Dumbledore wasn’t there, neither were Professors McGonagall, Snape or Trent. Harry assumed Snape was either with Voldemort or reporting to the Order, he wondered about Trent though. He hadn’t asked Moony if she was now a member of the Order?

The day was a warm one and Indian Summer was making an appearance. Harry tried to let his fears go as he lazed by the lake with his friends, watching the giant squid. Many students had their shoes off and were wading at the water’s edge. Harry sat with Ron, Hermione, Neville, and even Ginny and Luna had been persuaded to drop the books and join them for a while. Harry tried to keep up with their banter but couldn’t help that his mind kept drifting back to Diagon Ally. There had been civilian casualties too and he couldn’t help but think that any death that happened before his final confrontation with Voldemort was his responsibility. He knew the others would argue with him if he told them this, but he couldn’t help how he felt. These people died because he wasn’t ready to face his fate. He was aware that Dumbledore would argue this point with him too, and he tried not to let the guilt overwhelm him. He was struggling with it though and wished he didn’t have to keep so many secrets. He felt like his head was going to explode. The others noticed his distance and each tried to draw him out whenever that lost, far away look would appear in his eyes to no avail.

As he settled in to bed that night, Harry glanced over at a sleeping Dean and Seamus. He’d awakened them both the previous two nights and wasn’t looking forward to a repeat. They hadn’t been pleased with him the second time. He was going to ask Ron to cast a silencing charm when Neville informed him that they had put them around their own beds already. He told Neville to do the same but Neville declined, he’d be there if Harry needed anything. Harry was touched by Neville’s loyalty. He had been surprised by Ginny sneaking into the dorm both nights and checking on him after his nightmares. None of the other boys had mentioned it so he didn’t think she’d been spotted. He didn’t want her to get in trouble, and he also didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment if she got caught so he lent her his invisibility cloak. He knew where to find it if he needed it, and he didn’t want to give up his time with her. In his entire life, no one else had ever managed to make him feel so secure just by their mere presence. That security was hard to come by these days and he’d fight for it fiercely if he had to.

Classes started back up on Monday. Harry was worried about seeing Professor Trent after blowing her off the previous week, but she didn’t mention it. In fact, she seemed much colder towards Harry and barely even looked at him. Harry thought he’d probably insulted her and should apologize, but he really wasn’t ready to talk with her about his parents so he let it go. She briefly touched again on shield charms, but quickly moved on to more offensive spells. When asked what this had to do with defense, she’d responded that if they were going to duel Death Eaters, they’d have to know how to attack as well as defend. Hermione was still very taken with the new instructor and she and Ron kept bickering back and forth about it. Harry still hadn’t made up his mind but she wasn’t trying to block the D.A. and that made him happy.